Let’s take it back to the beginning…

Posted on by carmaflowtrails

14 years ago marked a new life for me. The little 18-year-old version of myself was forever changed on that day. Friends and family were shattered, and I don’t think anyone was prepared for who that little girl would be 14 years later.

Here is my version of the events that forever changed my life and help transform me to be the person I am today.

I was on my way home and the first thing I recall was my car slamming into the guardrail of the bridge. I yanked on the wheel to correct myself. The only way I really know I yanked it, is because I remember slamming into the guardrail on the other side. That is when my car started to flip but that’s a part I don’t remember happening. It seems all the chaotic parts have been blocked out by my handy dandy brain. Luckily for me, all my memories are very calm and collective, even though I doubt that’s how I always felt during all of this.

When I woke up I really didn’t know what had happened or what was going on but I knew I needed my phone, so I started reaching around on the ground searching for it. I faintly recall yelling for help, but if Adam told his version he might have heard me yelling for my life, that’s a question we would have to ask him. Adam, who was one of my friends, lived in the house around that curve. They had heard my crash and immediately ran to help whoever it was. When he got to my side, I asked him to take me home and put me in my bed, because I was worried I was going to be in trouble. All I remember him saying to me was, “Carrie, you’re going to be alright”. I didn’t even realize in that moment I was hurt, much less that my life was actually on the line, so I had no idea how right he actually was until now. I’m a little changed, but I am most definitely alright!

The GMC Jimmy I was driving that night. Banged her up just a little bit, don’t ya think?!

Now, I grew up in a very small town. One of the those towns where everyone knows everyone and they even sometimes know what happens before it even happens. If you’ve ever experienced one of those towns you know exactly what I’m talking about. And you are probably familiar with the police scanners that some of them tune in to in order to get their news. Someone who knew my dad was tuned in that night. That’s how my parents got the news and the reason they were able to make it to the scene before I was even taken from there.

By the time they had gotten there, I was already in the ambulance. Although, my last memory was of Adam. I don’t recall anyone else talking to me, no one moving me, carrying me, anything. But I do remember seeing my daddy out the back of where I was. He touched one of my legs and asked me if I could feel it. I couldn’t, so I said no. He then touched my other leg and asked me the same thing. I knew I couldn’t feel that one either. It was in that moment I understood that he was holding on to any little bit of hope that his baby girl wasn’t as hurt as they had told him I might be. I knew how much it scared me that I couldn’t feel either of my legs and I really didn’t want him to be scared, so I told him, “I think so,” although I knew I couldn’t. I don’t even really know if I have ever told my parents about that fib I told. It was indeed a bit naughty of me to lie, but I was doing it with good intentions.

The ambulance took me less than a mile down the street to the life flight helicopter that transported me to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital. I don’t recall seeing the helicopter, hearing it, riding in it, or even getting off of it. Nothing. That probably has something to do with the fact that both of my lungs had collapsed. I wasn’t in a very good spot health-wise while I was on that flight. Mom said she was scared they were going to die on the way there because dad was flying. I guess she was right because he beat me. They were already there when my helicopter landed.

Once I landed at TMH they performed emergency surgery to put my spine together again. They took a piece of my hip bone to help replace the two vertebrae that I had broken and then they encased my whole spinal column with metal. My backbone was jarred an inch or so sideways and my spinal cord was completely cut in two.

I woke up with a tube down my throat and my hands tied down. I don’t remember being mad or sad. Quite honestly, I don’t recall having many emotions or thoughts at all. I guess I had been rocked so hard my brain literally put itself in slow-mo so I didn’t panic. I remember them putting a notepad up to my hand and I was able to communicate through writing. I remember being hot so I wrote the word hot and luckily they understood. So again, not much going on in the brain yet! That may have been when my aunt told me they gave my daddy my belly button ring, that he didn’t know I had. I guess if there was a time for him to find out and not kill me, the time was then! 🙂

After my surgery, I was placed in ICU. I was flooded with visitors. Anytime I was awake I had someone in my room. On another note, the doctors had me on a cocktail of feel-good medicine. I had gotten a pic line put in and that’s how I received my dose of morphine every 3 hours. Everyone rest assure, I reminded the nurse every 2 hours and 50 minutes it was almost time for my morphine, so I was never really in any pain at all! Every 4 hours I was also able to take a dose of Vicodin as well. I was on cloud nine, to say the least, not a worry in the world. Much less thinking about my future or wondering why I hadn’t gotten out of bed or even had the urge to go potty.

When you feel that good, who needs to walk? So I really don’t think I ever put much thought into why I was staying in bed, or why I didn’t move. But I did know something was wrong, and I was afraid to ask. I didn’t want to hear the answer, just as if I was back in the ambulance unwilling to accept the truth there.

Then, if my memory is correct my mom said, “Carrie, you’re paralyzed”. I would never walk again. Not ever. I remember being mad because there were multiple people in there telling me something they thought I didn’t already know. But I have no recollection of what I said, what I did or how I reacted. I think I possibly told them I wanted to go to sleep. I really have no idea. I have been told before that my blood pressure went up. Which, I’m sure it did. It still does when I get mad. Ask my students in the classroom, they’ve seen it! 🙂

Sometimes I think I did block out all the bad parts of my accident because I honestly don’t remember having very many. That’s perfectly fine by me. Personal favor, if you remember these events any different, can you just keep it to yourself and let me continue thinking I’m a rockstar and I handled it like a champion?

The very first time they moved me from the bed to a chair, probably about 5 or 6 days after my accident. You know I was in lala land, because I let them braid my hair!!

And I realize there are some of you that did not know me then so here is a list of my injuries. A few minor gashes, glass in my arm, bruised spleen, three broken ribs, collapsed lungs, broken back at T-10 and T-11, and the kicker, my spinal cord was cut in half. Oh, and I had dirt, leaves and other junk in my hair for quite a while. The nurses took good care of me and washed my hair after a few days when I got more stable and that leads me to the next most significant part of my story.

My support system.

I remember absolutely loving my nurses, my family was there every single day and some of my best friends were too. I’m also pretty sure I saw everyone I knew the name of in Liberty County. Everyone that knew my parents came too. You know that awkward moment when you should know someone but you don’t?!? That was me a few times!

No one in my life gave me even a second of time to get depressed. So I didn’t.

I spent about a week in ICU and then another week on the orthopedic floor, the same one that one my nearest and dearest friends would work on years later as a nurse. That’s where I stopped asking for morphine because my dad told me I needed to be off so much pain medicine before they would send me to rehab. I was ready to go home so my first thought was, “Okay, that’s easy, I’ll just stop asking for it then”. Real. Solid. Plan. Withdraws are no joke. Drugs are not worth it kids! Thankfully, I got past that within about 24 hours and a few days later off to Atlanta Georgia’s Shepherd Center I went. One of the top brain and spinal cord hospitals in the country. I can write a whole blog on those experiences later, but I shall give the short version now.

They told me I probably wouldn’t make it home to my graduation so we asked what I needed to do in order for me to make it. I had worked 18 years of my life to get to that one event, so I was willing to do whatever I needed to do in order to get back home for it. With the hard work and some AMAZING therapists, three weeks later they allowed me to go home to graduate high-school, then back to rehab for three more weeks I went. Conquered those three weeks one by one. I was so happy to get out of there and get back to life!

I learned to drive with hand controls in June or July and I started college that fall semester. After my second year I moved out to an apartment in Tallahassee and real life truly began. Thank goodness, I didn’t crash and burn! It took me about 7 years to graduate from Florida State University, with the leisurely pace I went, but I finally did with a degree in Environmental Studies.

Florida State Graduation. Go Noles!

I decided sometime at the very end of my last semester I would get certified to teach science. Mainly because I really liked the idea of having all that time off! I never knew how much I would really love getting kids excited over science though! Got a job back in my hometown not long after I graduated. I taught there for 4 years and was able to get my feet back into sports as the basketball coach for 2 years. Then, with a little bit of an influence, I decided I should follow my old dream of moving to Texas. That was a dream my accident had put on hold.

So three years ago I moved to Texas. I still teach science and I still coach basketball and I landed a volleyball job without even knowing it. The school that I work at is a very small school in a small town like my hometown. I was really nervous before I started because I know how hard it can be for a newcomer in my hometown to feel as if they fit in. However, even as completely different as I am to some of them they have accepted me better than I had ever hoped for, even if they do ALWAYS pick on me, especially the way I talk! They’ve all looked beyond the not walking thing and it’s simply something we can laugh about.

Last summer, a very emotional 3-year relationship of mine ended. There was a short moment in there that I felt very alone and scared. Then I reminded myself of who I was and what I had been through. I’m okay with losing. I’ve lost something I hope most people never have to. And it didn’t kill me. Nothing this life throws at me will, mentally anyway. I was determined to overcome this stupid heartache. With my determined mind switched to ON, I decided to go on my first solo camping trip. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared when I started off on my 7-hour journey. I was on my way to Arkansas to stay in the middle of a national park with bears all by myself. Thankfully, it went better than I had ever imagined! It was AMAZING and FLAWLESS all at the same time even though there were a few hurdles I had to jump. And for the first time in my life since April 11, 2005, I felt like I could do anything I wanted to.

I had been playing around with the idea of starting a blog for months. Little did I know, that trip was just the trip I needed to build my confidence back again. The 7 hour journey home I was coming up with new plans! I knew I needed a name. I had talked with some friends in the past but was never satisfied. When Carmaflow Trails popped in my head, I thought, it’s perfect. Carmaflow is an old nickname that never stuck, but I always liked it. It’s my name, Carrie Marie Flowers, all turned into one. And trails, well, I tend to leave trails in a lot of places I go, and I hope to discover many more in my future.

And I’m still quite nervous about this thing because those of you that know me know I am not organized, I lose everything, I procrastinate, spelling is not my strong suit, I’m not very good with words and commas are my nemesis! But this is my story and all I plan on doing is telling it. I’m not here to win a writing award, I’m here to share my adventure. My past, my present, and all of my future. That’s what you’re gonna find here. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to help and inspire people with one of my stories or experiences. Who knows? It’s worth a try though.

So that’s how you have the birth of this blog. It all started 14 years ago when God changed the path of who I was on the road to becoming before. God’s blessings always happen in disguise so when you find yourself asking him why, you have to just put your faith in Him, and pull up your big girl panties, the best way you can, even if it takes 10 minutes, because one day…One day, you will be able to pull them on just as fast as anybody else! I know, because I’ve been there, literally.

Come along with me please, because I surely didn’t become the woman I am today all by myself. You guys helped shape and encourage me and I hope that I continue to grow, so your support is needed just like it was before!

Please leave some comments below and let me know what you guys thought! Who are you, where are you from, what do you do? The best part about this adventure is you guys! Let me know some about you too!

Also, you can find me on Instagram and Facebook as Carrie Flowers. 🙂

Until next time. Be the light that drowns out the darkness!

Published by carmaflowtrails

58 thoughts on “Let’s take it back to the beginning…”

  1. 😥 moved to tears ! So proud of you ! Even though we have talked so many times about your accident … hearing your emotions, thoughts and feelings put my emotional self to tears ! Love you bear ! Keep rolling on and spreading your love of life ❤️

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    1. I just found out how to reply! 😂😂 I knew this one would get you emotional! It surely got me emotional quite a few times as I was writing and editing it! Glad you got to see a different perspective my hard head self has never really shared before. Love you friend and thanks for always being there!

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  2. So PROUD of you for sharing your story to inspire and motivate others! Love you! Can’t wait to follow with you on this journey! ♥️💪🏻🔥👑

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  3. I can’t imagine life if you wouldn’t have survived that accident. You had me scared to death! So proud of you! The kids were shocked by the picture of your car. 😳 I love our adventures (Florida, Colorado, California, Hawaii) and look forward to many more! ❤️❤️

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    1. Life would definitely be less fun for you! 😂😉 However, my life would be way less fun without you, so there’s that also! I wouldn’t have gone on 90 percent of my trips if it wasn’t because of you! Can’t wait to share some of those stories on my blog too! And we definitely got to get better on the picture and photo game! Love you sister! ❤️

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  4. You are a shining example of optimism, heart and character. I hope others who read about your life and journeys get inspired to follow your passion for adventure. I look forward to reading more about your life and future plans. God bless.

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  5. Very inspirational as someone who has been paralysed by a car accident as well, i look up to you! Thank you for sharing your story . It was a rollercoaster of emotions.. i cried and laughed many times and i thank you for finding the drive to express yourself and put your journey out there! Great job! Thank you very much . I look forward to following you and your adventures…

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    1. When are you gonna share your story Paul?! You know you’ve got a good one too, and we’ve talked to about it! Your doing some cooler things than me! I’m glad you enjoyed this and it took you on a ride. That’s was my intention. Because to say the least that exactly how my life has been. But those moments of downs just let me know I have a much higher up ahead as long as I don’t give up! We have to plan an adventure together one day! Gotta put a cap on when we have to do it by, it it’ll never get done possible. We gotta figure that out!

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  6. This is very well written. I enjoyed your story and can feel the release it gives you to share. Writing can be a great therapeutic tool and it looks like its something that means a lot to you. You seem aware and understanding. Im sure you have ups and downs, but like me, you have had a number of doors opened and opportunities made. Who knows if they happened despite your injury. That doesnt matter. Our stories are similar. I could switch a few words here and there, but similar. You are an amazing rock star!

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      1. Thank you! I’ve been told multiple times people felt like they were having a conversation and that’s my goal when I write, so I must be doing it right! 😆 thank you so very much for the kind words! They mean so much and keep me motivated for sure! ❤️

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  9. Carrie, you are such an inspiration to others! Thanks for sharing your story! You talk about all the support you had, but you offer so much to so many! You are a truly awesome person, and a great teacher…..and your kids love you! Great job on your blog!!!

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    1. Thanks Mrs. Janak!! I would never be where I am today without the support of people around me! I gotta be sure to never forget that part. And for the kids, I love them too but surely can’t wait for my summer break from them! 😂😂😂

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  10. Its sad when I think about those days when it happened but glad to know it made you stronger and turned you into the person you are today. Keep up the good work and be carful on your new adventures.

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  11. I realllly needed to read this today. Today has been a bad day for me. It has been getting worse instead of better. I’m glad to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

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    1. Giiirl, I meant to message you on Facebook because I didn’t know how to reply on here. But I totally forgot. There is a light, I promise. You will make it. And you have two beautiful babies that are already burning candles helping you see the way. Know that’s it’s okay to be upset, cry, have bad withdrawn days. But don’t stay withdrawn, don’t stay crying, and don’t stay with the bad thoughts. Tell yourself what kind of day your gonna have.

      If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone not in circle, I’m always here. You’ve been through a lot, a lot I don’t understand, but I’ll help anyway I can. ❤️

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  12. Carrie, I am so very proud of the strong woman you have become!! You sure did give us all a scare that night. I got to the hospital before your parents and I was shocked that your parents arrived before the helicopter. You have shown us all that there is nothing you can’t do. Continue sharing your amazing journey and keep inspiring everyone. Love you much boo!!!

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  13. Reading this and thinking about that day brings tears to my eyes. It’s a day I won’t ever forget. You have ALWAYS been strong and determined Carrie. I’ve told you many times before that I don’t know if I could have been as strong as you were. Your whole life changed and you never gave up or quit trying. You are such an inspiration. I’m proud of you and proud to call you a friend. I love you!❤️

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    1. Thank you so much! I was so worried about sharing my writing publicly because I’ve alway worried about how it sounds so nice words like yours are awesome to hear! They keep me motivated to write more! I have many more stories to tell so I hope you’ll keep coming back for me! Thank you so much for checking it out!

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  15. This just make me feel like a lucky person to get to work with you for the past two-and a half years! You are truly a remarkable person! And I’m blessed that God let our paths cross! Keep doing what you are doing! And letting your light shine! This is just your start! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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    1. Girl I just found out how to reply! 😂😂 Just so you know, I wouldn’t wanna share science closets with any other person! No matter where our paths take us eventually I will always stay in touch with you!! I love you very much friend! ❤️

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  16. I tried to reply and it ended up being a book. It would not let me add that much. Just want you to know that what you are doing now is what I and may others prayed for 14 years ago. Many churches came to see us during that time. I told them to pray that she will still have a good life despite this horrible injury. Let me see, snow skying, para sailing, sky diving, college degree, teaching, traveling, camping, and moving to Texas (you can come home any time) I believe our prayers were answered. I love you and I am very proud of you.

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  17. I have few words because there are just too many in my head & heart to express right now. God showed me you were special the first few times I met you and you were full of smiles and life. Chair or no chair that’s a W in book! Much respect and love…

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  18. I’m so glad for having a friend like you I felt your story word by word and I think that you know why 😉 it could be hard and putted obstacle on the rest of your life but what I like on it . you make it special and nice experience so it’s made you very strong women with a lot of wisdom. The best part on my point of view is support system 😍 I can describe how it’s beautiful and example to all people had the same situation pls go forward and let the world see the greatness that inside you and let them know how it’s nice to be different.
    You sould be an motivation speaker giving peaple some positive energy Thank you for sharing your story 💙

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    1. I just found out how to reply! You know how I feel about the speaking part. Maybe one day I’ll work my way up to that! 😮 I’m so glad you enjoyed it and can not wait until you tell your story! It’ll be waaaaaayy more inspiring than mine! Love you friend and as always I wish you well! ❤️

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  20. Carrie, you know I have followed your story since your high school days through your mom and dad and now on Facebook. This story made me feel as if I had been there with you. Your writing skills are excellent and your story telling is on point…..please keep it up! Hugs and Happy Trails!

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    1. Thank you soooo much!! I just knew you were gonna enjoy this! And thank you so much on the kind words about my writing. You have no idea the anxiety I had before this post was posted. One thing I’m not very confident about is my writing. But kind works like yours is definitely the motivation I needed to keep writing more. Many more stories to come! I hope you enjoy them all! ❤️

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  21. You are the real “Wonder Woman” and an awesome role model for your students. Your courage, determination and positive spirit over the years have been a blessing for all of us. Keep up the great work and remember that every day is a gift from God, so enjoy it! Love ya…

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  22. I have always been amazed by your tenacity and zest for life! You amaze me with your insights at such a young age…wise beyond your years! Thank you for taking me along on your journey! You are so blessed and continue to thrive and be happy with your life! I hope a lot of people who need a push to do better and be better will get inspiration from you to do so! ❤️

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    1. Thank you so much Mrs. Deason! Your drive to go walking/running was always an inspiration to me. You simply never now whose taking notes of what your doing! I try to keep that in mind always. I am so glad you enjoyed this first post! I was worried I’d mess my own story up! 😂

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  24. Oh wow….I am captivated already. Came across your blog because of the FB group, what a great read and very interested to share in this journey through your blog. I live in NC, but grew up in a small town like you mentioned in VA.

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    1. I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I just found out how to reply so I’m sorry I’m so late!! Once you’ve been in one of those small towns you understand them perfectly. As much as I hated it when I was a young teen, that wreck of mine taught me to learn and appreciate it more than ever! Hope you keep coming back. I’ve got plenty more stories I’d like to share since then!

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  26. You are such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your spirit through your experiences. I love your blog! It was fun exploring Disney with you and your parents when we met with my Aunt Jan and Uncle Bill, Jason’s parents.

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    1. Thank you so much! Disney was a lot of fun. I’ve been so much the trips kinda combine but wasn’t that when it was freezing cold?! I remember I still had to get my ice cream from dole whip shop in adventure land! I have a pretty funny picture of that when me and dad snuck off to go get it! 😂 Thanks for reading though! Hope you continue to come back and enjoy some more stories!

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  27. Carrie you are an amazing woman. I am so glad you are sharing your story with everyone. I can only pray that it will encourage others to keep on keeping on with life and live life to the fullest as you are. You are truly an inspiration to so many. I look forward to following your journey.

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