The First’s

If you are a human, you have endured many things for the first time. The first time going to school, the first time going to college, the first time having a boyfriend or girlfriend, the first day of your new career, the first time losing a loved one, the first time getting in trouble, the first time having a child or the first time your kid leaves for college. We endure things outside of our comfort zones throughout our lives.


We’ve all had em. I’ve had most every one of them that one could imagine, and I have learned from each and every experience. Sadly, I think the older I get the harder I become. My life changes every year. My friends change, my job has changed, my neighbors change. Nothing big or dramatic but things are constantly changing. I’m not married, I don’t have a boyfriend and I don’t have kids. The only constant thing in my life happens to be my dog. She’s been the only major constant thing besides family and friends and I guess you could just count her as family at this point. I think when you live a life like that in which you love and lose, you get hard. It’s important to pay attention and not let that hardness turn to bitterness.


We have to make sure we make room for emotions in our lives. Those who struggle the most in life push their emotions to the side and try to block them out. But it’s good to be mad, sad, happy, hurt or scared. Going through those emotions is precisely what makes us feel the most alive in my opinion.


Let’s take it back to my move to Texas. That was by far one of the scariest moments of my life. I remember with every step fear inched its way into my head. Step one, the job interview had me thinking maybe this really is possible. The job offer made it seem real. When I accepted the job it was real. I was actually going to fulfill a decade’s old dream I had. But was I ready?
If I wouldn’t have had my friend Melissa, I don’t think I would have ever lasted here. She welcomed me as a roommate with open arms. I depended on her and her son for soo much because I wasn’t used to working such long hours and having tournaments on the weekends. I found my self asking them can you feed my dog, let my dog out, bathe my dog, wash my clothes and please, dear please have dinner cooked!? On top of adjusting to a new work schedule, my relationship was awful. I was dating a drug addict but I wasn’t willing to give up on him. It took its toll on me and had me in more of a struggle with my own demons that I didn’t even understand then. When that relationship came crumbling down Melissa was there to help me get through it. Thankfully, I had support around me that helped me work through that pain and not run from my problems. It was my first time feeling so alone in a place away from home, but my friends made it bearable.


We all have our first time for everything. We all have that one or maybe two people that helped us get through those hard and scary times. So shouldn’t we do our best to help those newbies around us have a good experience?


I asked a few parents to tell me what they learned after their first child. My sister told me, “Germs are okay. I boiled all of Ada’s stuff. Unnecessary”. Another friend Jamee said, ” You don’t need all that nonsense baby gear, nobody actually uses that crap. They are not as fragile as you think they will. You also learn how to schedule and allocate time and patience. And, you also definitely cannot treat them the same, every child needs different types of lives/discipline.” Then my friend Selah brought it all home with her response. She said, ” They are completely different in every way but I learned to take in the small stuff because it goes by quick.” Parenting is what I can only imagine is the hardest job on the planet. Some people want advice and some people hate it. But, if you know someone who wants it and you’re around, help em out!


The first day of school happened for most kiddos not long ago. I can remember my first days of school. I didn’t want to leave my mom when I was young and I wanted to be in a class with all my usual friends when I was older. Why? Because I was scared. I didn’t want to be rejected. I wasn’t really a fan of new things because I was super shy as a child. Kids now days have it way harder than I ever imagined. Not only do they deal with kids at school but social media has allowed it to follow them home as well. When I had a problem in school I left it at school and just dreaded school the next now. Now, it follows kids home and doesn’t stop. Imagine the pressure they must be under! I wouldn’t want to change places with them.


Let’s skip a bit and take Hurricane Dorian for example. I had been watching the weather so very closely because I was afraid of it hitting home again. Bethany Frankel was on there talking about the aid she was getting together to take there. She experienced a storm in Puerto Rico, so this isn’t her first time. When the anchor asked her since you experienced it in Puerto Rico what did you learn from that experience that will help you with the Bahamas. She replied, “Every situation is different. Based on climate, based on location. And you don’t know the plan until you get there”. That’s another huge thing to take into account. My experience will not always mirror yours. We experience things a bit differently no matter who we are or where we are. While we all may experience things for the first time, those experiences can light-years apart.


With all that being said, why do we have mean kids, furthermore, why do we have mean adults?! I’ve worked in two different environments in which there were women over the age of 50 who could get the lead role in the movie Mean Girls. Why is that?!? Don’t get me wrong though. There has most definitely always been more good in my places of work than bad but there are indeed those negative people that can drag you down if you let them. Why is it that people are that way? Have they let their first times make them so hard they have become bitter?


I think the secret of life is learning from each and everything you go through. That’s where wisdom comes from. What things happen is what most people focus on but we should be paying attention to the why? First heartbreaks may just so happen to make the second love a little sweeter.


The moral of this story you ask? We’ve all been in moments where we needed someone to help us get through a situation. Be that person for someone else when it is their time. Be caring. Be kind. Be understanding. Be helpful. Be nonjudgmental. Be open. Be accepting. Let those aggravations slip right off your back. Don’t let them get buried in your skin. Most things are just not worth it.


I can almost guarantee when you are truly all of those things you will have a better understanding of happiness and those around you will be a little happier also!

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